The Physical insecurities, self doubts and fears…this is a SCARY BIG ONE FOR ME!!!
As I sit to write this I just want to turn my computer off and hide.
When I look in a mirror what do I see? There are those days when I am happy with what I see. But most days I see what I think is a big nose, I see the muffin top belly I have from having my boys or any of the other things I see about myself as imperfections. Why is it that we tend to focus the negative things about ourselves? I tend to have people comment on how thin I am and the things going through my head are…Don’t they see this roll here around my stomach its so ugly. I will admit I am thin but I will also admit I am horribly out of shape.
One major things that I’ve struggled with my adult life is being mistaken for young teenager. I tend to look in the mirror and see that young girl and not a woman. This is affected my self image in an enormous way. I often hear that one day I will be happy that I look younger than I am but that day is not today. I want to look like an adult, to feel like an adult, to be treated like an adult. I remember years ago when I was pregnant with my 4 year old Isaiah, I went to Walmart with my mom to register for my baby shower and the woman behind the counter wouldn’t even talk to me. She directed whole conversation to my mother and would barely even look at me. It wasn’t until she took my drivers license and looked at my age that she started to really even acknowledge me . By this time I was 23 years old and married. That same year while pregnant but barely showing I was at a grocery store with my husband, brother in law, niece, and stepson when an older woman came up and wanted to guess the ages of the children. She just I was 16 . Her exact words were 16 and never been kissed. On the outside I can laugh this things off but on the inside they have affected me more then I care to admit.
I’ve come to realize in my life that I’ve let these physical insecurities the physical self doubts rule me. They have taken charge of how I consider my self worth. Now that I have come to realize it, it’s time to change! Now I can’t change my nose ( even I had the money to I would not) but I can change the muffin top belly through working out and eating right amd its something I have to do for ME! For the last year I’ve been thinking I needed to do it for my husband…so he will still find me attractive. Since making the decision that it was for me it had been easier to stick to my goals. I’m not sure how to look or feel more adult but one day that will come too I hope. I am NOT going to let these things these insecurities rule me anymore.
I have to remind myself that God made me. He gave me this (big) nose . He created me His image. I am his child and that is beautiful!
In those times that you feel that you’re not beautiful enough that you’re not thin enough are there just not good enough… Remember that you to were created in His image. That God created you to be the beautiful person you are.
I still struggle everyday with these physical insecurities but they will no longer consume my thoughts and
cause me to pull back from people.
Those of you that know me or have seen a picture of me I am NOT looking for comments on the fact that I am thin. I do know that I am thin however I also know that being thin does not equal being in shape and healthy. I know that I am NOT in shape.
Please feel free to leave any comments about your own personal physical struggles or if you have any powerful motivational quotes for words please also feel free to share those.
Uggg! do I know these feelings all too well! People always say I a not fat and even go as far as to say I must be on the very of becoming aneroxic if I think I need to lose weight. drives me crazy. I’m not fat, I am fluffy around the middle and I hate that! And I suffer the looking like a teen too =[ I just chopped my hair off and now i get it even worse. It makes me wish I had never cut my hair. I guess this too shall pass. I need to jump on your wagon and try to learn to deal with it too.